Comfortably Uncomfortable (Live your purpose)

We have been so accustomed to society’s mainstream formula of success. It is the age old success engine starting from going to school(including tertiary), attaining good grades, graduating and landing a high paying job, meaning you earn good money to provide for your family and what we do not realise is that the goal of this world renowned formula to obtain success is survival, i.e.. making just enough to get by.

Nowhere in this practiced “success” formula does it encourage anyone to pursue a career that we love and has great meaning to us as people of purpose. A career that sets your soul on fire and allows that passion and love to burn inside your being.

People with purpose need the opportunity to make such a profound impact on other’s lives and feel that warmth of complete fulfilment, creating a legacy that will give you satisfaction and sense of belonging. Always having something different and out of the ordinary to achieve the extra-ordinary.

I hate repetition of a task. I love new things. I try and expose myself to the uncomfortable situations or tasks… this sometimes means that you need to swallow your pride, find your passion, do what you love. You don’t need to be vocal or a great author to express your love for something. People that are like minded will notice your silence through all of the noise.

Do you ever feel like your dreams are crazy? Are you afraid of judgement, or your loved ones are not supporting what you want to do and who you want to be in the world?

Many of us struggle with finding and living our purpose. I did for years and still am, it was and is one of the most frustrating and painful times of my life.

As far back as I can remember I dreamed of helping others. I wanted to be a role model to troubled teenagers, a guidance counsellor to help them comprehend and maximise their potential. I was often the person my friends sought advice from when they needed help in their own lives. It felt natural to give advice and help others feel good, even though I was struggling to find my purpose.

Then life happened. I did what I thought I had to do to get by. I decided to start working, I would like to think that I have had a very successful career, working my way up the corporate ladder. I loved training, developing, and mentoring others in the aspects other than work and I was really good at it. But helping others was only part of my job. There were many other aspects of my career I learned to be good at, that I didn’t feel good about doing. I mastered those other things because that’s what I thought I had to do to have a successful career. For lack of a better way to put it, it felt yucky.

I was only living part of my purpose. I settled because that’s what I thought I had to do to survive.

I am hoping that someday soon when I leave the current career that I am in to focus on life coaching and mentoring full time which I know is exactly where I am meant to be.

I know I would then fully step into my purpose, what I was born to do.

You are born with a unique blueprint. You have natural talent and abilities that only YOU can offer. These are the things you’re passionate about that light you up inside. Whatever this is for you…this is your purpose.

Think about it. Do you have a career that you’re good at because you learned to be and you thought that’s what you had to do?

Have you fully stepped into your purpose?

My answer to question one is “Yes” and “No” to the second question.

It took me a long time to figure this out, and for a long time I felt alone. I didn’t know where to go for support and guidance.

I have however taken steps to slowly but surely fulfil my purpose.

I’ve shared my story to let you know that you’re meant to enjoy what you do in every area of your life.

Your career can and should reflect who you are in work and in life. That’s when you know you are where you are meant to be.

“People with Potential have Purpose”

– Monique Williams

If it is not your story to share, then don’t give it your voice

I do not share in the “enjoyable pass time” activity known as gossip/rumours and he said, she said stories, especially if it is not my story to share.

Gossip or rumours does not necessarily have to be something negative, it can be about someone else’s “yet to be” accomplishments too. Why share it? Why give someone else’s story your voice? Do you not feel that if that person wanted the entire world to know, they would have broadcasted it on the media platforms?

I have always maintained that “If the story is not yours to share, then don’t give it your voice.”

My daughter came home one afternoon, telling me about the misconduct of a student that was caught and this and that person said 1 2 3 4………..I immediately stopped her and said, “please do not pass on the story or talk about it to anyone” and continued by saying, “if it is not your story to share then don’t share it.”

The reason for me sticking to this motto for the last 10 years of my life was because I have witnessed the repercussions that have lead to someone getting seriously hurt, which could have been prevented had we kept to ourselves and minded our own business.

The sharing in “almost” positive news can also be detriment to someone’s success as not everyone is happy when someone is almost making it, even if the person is you. You are preventing the blessings from flowing through. If a person who shared the “almost” good news with you, entrusted you with the information and confided in you to share in their happiness and prosperity and even though you are happy for that person, does not mean the next person will feel the same. This good news of someone else’s success is NOT YOUR STORY TO SHARE……..don’t share it.

Most people pretend to be happy for you, that pretentious demeanour is harmful to our successes. Read James 3, it speaks about Controlling the tongue and how poisonous our words are that we sometimes so innocently utter or speak to cause intentional harm.

The bitterness and jealousy is draining and the gossiping can corrupt even your own potential as that jealousy and evil becomes your focus point, you tend to lose sight of yourself, what your hopes and dreams are because you are so dead set on destroying someone else’s.

The ripple effect of passing on a story, good or bad has it’s ebb and flow. Decide who you want to be and not be that of what someone else perceives you to be.

The first and only question you should ask yourself when that “misery likes company” engaging discussion comes about, is, “why do they feel so comfortable talking to me about it?” So either the person sharing the news with you trusts you or the person who is gossiping with you knows that you enjoy rumours and gossip.

Which one are you?

If it is not your story to share, then don’t give it your voice

Monique Williams

Endless Ocean of Hope

On the 3rd February 2004 at 04:20am, I began experiencing extreme contractions, one’s that were so bad, that I actually thought I needed to go to the bathroom every time.

I kept on getting up from my bed, then finally, at 05:00am, when I felt like I could climb the walls, I decided to wake my mother. She immediately called my other father, Branton Riddles(my uncle) to rush me to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital about 05:35am and was taken up in the maternity ward. Nurses, who were not very pleasant, especially with young mothers told me to walk around so I can dilate. First question popped in my head, “how do you even know how far I have dilated if you haven’t even checked?” Not in the frame of mind to argue, I walked around the ward, then finally 30min later, the nurse instructed me to lay on the bed. I dilated to 6cm and as she removed her hand from you know where, my water broke. At this time I could not contain myself and all I wanted to do was push.

As the contractions came and went, my mother was rubbing my back but even that felt like the heat of her hand made the pain worse, so I kept on pushing her hand away. And then, this MASSIVE contraction raided me from head to toe and as it hit me, I lifted those steel draws that you find in government hospitals with my left arm…..not taking note that there was a jug of water on top of the draws.

I still could not resist pushing and my inexperience’s taught me no better, I pushed. The nurse came back to feel how far I have dilated, “7 cm”, she says. I kept on pushing, even though they kept on telling me not to, I had to.

Then at 07:35am, the nurse did another dilation check and she says, “9cm” and instructs me to lift my legs and start pushing.

I thought I was about to die and with my final push, my beautiful daughter was born at 07:53am at Elsies River Hospital weighing in at a whopping 4kg. Me not knowing the sex of my baby, I ask my mother, “what sex is the baby?” She turns and says, “It’s a girl.”

She did not make a peep, she just lied there, looking at the light above her. Eyes as blue as the beautiful ocean and she was all mine.

I was not able to allow them to place her on my chest and I could not lift my head from the pillow as I lost consciousness every time I tried. The doctor walked in and said, “You lost a litre of your blood and we need to transport you to Tygerberg Hospital.” My question to him was, “where is my baby?” and he replied by saying, “with your mother, she doesn’t want to leave your baby’s side.”

I cannot remember how I got to Tygerberg Hospital, I think I lost consciousness as when I woke up I was at Tygerberg with my mother and daughter by my side.

My mom eventually had to leave and the nurses wanted to take Shay-Leigh to the baby room and I looked at them and said, “My child is not going anywhere, she is staying right here.” I manoeuvred my arm in such a way that if someone wanted to take her, they would have to move my arm.

I was restless, scared but yet bonded with her in such a way that made me feel like I was a mother way before giving birth to her.

Every time she woke up I stared into those blue eyes……..

it gave me an Endless Ocean of Hope.

Revolution to Resolute Resolutions

As we all start 2018 with new perspectives, aspirations and new outlook on how to improve the person we are and also the person we are towards others, this is but a few of the “New Year Resolutions.”

We kick off on a new slate, after our self reflection and responsibility as individuals in refining our character.

New Year’s Resolution are 3 words some people dread hearing and most times fail to accomplish in honoring their promise.

The vital concept that is “un”-present, and the verity that you need to grasp is that you should not vow to resolutions to impress others; and the commitment of the resolutions is to enhance yourself, hence this promise has to be made to yourself and the judgement of others should not take presedence over the fulfillment that you experience when you are “true to you.” You add more value to “you” when you are able to augment the encompassed characteristics that makes you “you.” You automatically evolve and grow into becoming a better “you” for you and for others.

This also gives people an idea and added substance to who you are, in terms of morals, ethics and most importantly the integrity that flourishes from that. Most times we accept the things people do to us and brush most things off with “as long as I am not like that” comfort words. The wake up call is that, if you do not nip it in the bud, people will continue to treat you with eg. disrespect and you slowly but surely become a “walk over.”

So, what if your resolution for the new year is to live a healthier lifestyle? Well, the simple and most times evaded question before making resolution is WHY? Why have you chosen to live a healthier lifestyle/ ridding yourself from bad relationships/ more amicable family get together’s/ working on your marriage/ becoming a more effective and present parent or to become a more decisive person when people mistreat you.

Next question is, HOW will this benefit you and others? And; WHAT is the end in mind by making these resolutions?

A saying that breaks it down is, “You need to crawl before you can walk and you need to walk before you can run.”

Small changes are more effective than the elephant you confront yourself with, time after time. Try and write down your resolutions on a daily basis. Make failure difficult to opt for and there should be a very strong WHY behind the commitment. Once this behavior becomes second nature, it will be much easier to commit and follow through.

Measure your progress by self reflecting and get input from people who want the best for you. Be patient, we cannot change in the flip of a switch, we are just not programmed that way and change is more challenging for some.

Some thing is better than nothing. You have taken the first step to enhancing “you.”

And, last but not least…..GET UP WHEN YOU SLIP UP! This creates perseverance and contains a process of elimination. If the method you have used does not work, try something else and get an objective opinion from your loved ones.

DO NOT SHARE YOUR RESOLUTION WITH EVERYBODY! This is our mistake, innocently so. We perceive that everyone has our best interest at heart, but let’s face the “ugly truth,” this is most certainly not always the case. Some people grab their popcorn and switch on their TV and cannot wait for that moment when we miserably fail to achieve the one thing our heart desires. “The tongue is mightier than the sword.” People’s words will hurt us and the ripple effect thereof has a widespread repercussion, especially when you are trying to implement the practice within your children.

Discouraging Words of other’s curses the fruit of your Loins.

We as parents strive to give our children a bright and happy future and our blood sweat and tears cannot be in someone else’s hands.

Lastly and most importantly, protect your dreams and goals with prayer as this serves as an armour no mortal can deteriorate.

Instill this values in your children, to always persevere, having faith and belief in their abilities and even inabilities, to not opt for failure as an easy way out. This will make them confident and accept certain objectives that they are not equipped to achieve. This creates a trait to try and try and try anyway.

Being comfortable with who they are is the goal in mind. This can only happen if we too practice this, being an adult is not the exception to the rule and we are guilty of this information we portray and even verbalise to our children.

Acceptance, enhancing who you are where you feel it’s needed and the role model you want to be to “Generation Next” is your elephant; and can only be overcome when “you are true to you.”