The Rest of Our Lives

On the 14th February 2018, my husband and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary. Through those 2 years, we had moments of insanity, emotional distance, silent treatment, lying in two separate bedrooms, angered words and discontent. Together with those emotions, thoughts and actions, deep down we still loved one another, we shared deep memories, kids and a love deep down in our souls that was inexplicable.

I decided on January 31st, 2016 that I was ready to accept the Lord into my life as my personal Saviour. My baptism took place on the 7th February 2016, one week before our wedding day. Just as my baptism, our wedding was not planned either, which I was okay with as my vows to my husband and his vows to me was a commitment we were going to make before God. We never got to make any wedding speeches/vows to one another on our wedding day, so here it goes:

To Rory:

“I never knew when I met you that we will be spending the rest of our lives together. Today marks a huge mile stone in our lives where the two of us are bonded forever. I thank God every day for blessing your parents, myself and the kids with someone so amazing, loving, caring and humorous.

Our journey together thus far has been quite adventurous, puzzling at times, we had missing pieces, puzzle pieces that just sometimes did not fit, but I’ve always known deep down in my heart that as we mould those pieces and keep trying it would eventually create a masterpiece of art worth struggling for.

We’ve worked very hard to build this relationship/friendship over the past 10 years to where it is now and I want to thank you for sticking by me through the turmoil’s, thanks to those that have supported us, given guidance and that have routed us on.

Rory, today I married the missing puzzle piece of me which is you…….I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

We are now one and my infamous words to you will forever be “I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART”

I pray that we have a fruitful, prosperous and amazing marriage.

From my dad to me and from me to you I want to say: “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE GRAINS OF SAND IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU MORE THAN ALL THE STARS IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY”

My vows to Rory:

“I take you to be my partner for life

I promise above all else to live in truth with you

And to communicate fully and fearlessly

I give you my hand and my heart

As a sanctuary of warmth and peace

And pledge my love, devotion, faith and honour.

I will love you for the rest of my days

as I join my life to yours and we join our life to God.”

Here’s to many more adventurous anniversaries ahead

 

 

No Fist Beat, Only Heart Beats

The past 16 days, an international outcry from women, emerging in unison as activists against gender-based violence.

This specifically, for me, is a very sore and also a victorious part in my life, as I used to relive these hurtful events during my lucid and dream state, majority of the years of my existence.

The victorious fraction of my life happened when I was able and capable of realizing that enough of too much has overstayed it’s welcome. Being a victim of psychological, physical and sexual abuse gave the perpetrators so much control over every inch of me; and being afraid of their assured behaviour was convincing enough for them and myself, that I would never have the guts to leave.

I was too afraid of being ashamed, living in fear of judgement and that people might accuse me of lying. Then there were times that I threatened and sometimes practically halfway out of the door and then,  instantaneously, “sorry”, “I can’t live without you” and “I love you” rolled from their lips. Together with these words came repercussions.

They would begin treating me with respect and care, even if it only lasted for a little while. I was “sure” that I loved the abuser and would not be able to love anyone else the same. Manipulation was the most prominent act, combined with tearing my self-esteem to pieces, this is where the psychological abuse would take it’s throne and made me question and doubt my own feelings and thoughts.

The retaliation that I feared and endured the most, was that “Today might just be my last day that I am alive.” When I reached this pinnacle, I gathered my strength, I asked God to keep me safe and protect me; and if this will be my last time my eyes are open, then let it be.

I served a more powerful source, even though my faith and belief was almost translucent, deep in my heart my trust was still there. He did not and has never forsaken me, even though it felt like I was all alone and lost. I could not let a mere mortal dictate my entire life to me and there was no authority given from the Man who gave me life, to do so.

Once I got out, I felt liberated, although my nightmares haunted me night after night……I WAS FINALLY FREE…..I WAS ALIVE……..My eyes were open for the first time in my life and I wanted to live.

I never realized, before reaching this point, that day in and day out I was signing my own death warrant and I was no longer considered a victim, but a volunteer to the unspeakable and accepted countenance of the numerous vicious abuse I relived.

Today, I stand powerful, victorious and unrivalled by my, and other perpetrators.

I choose to liberate and empower other women with my story, to say to them…………..

“It is never too late”

“You are not alone”

“You are worth more than his “love” in his fists

“Your life is precious and cannot be compared to judgement”

“Love yourself enough to leave”

“Live to tell your story and teach others with it

“Wear your scars like armor”

#HMHY #HelpMeHelpYou #WHP #WomensWordsHavePower #FFF #FistFreeFight #FFH #FirstFreeHeartBeat #16DaysActivism #AgainstGenderBasedViolence

“Scars are triumphantly our beauty”

– Monique Williams