The “positive” from the “un”- positive

During the two months after I was raped, Christo(Shay-Leigh’s dad) and I still continued to see one another. However, in this time, my drinking and drugging was no longer my habit of self destruction. Smoking was at a minimum compared to my packet of 20 cigarettes per day…..I was just put off by it.

Little did I know……….

My all time friend until this day was with me at home that, contemplating whether or not we should go to the club….we decided not to. Earlier that day, I bought a pregnancy test because my appetite increased so much so, I started suspecting that I am pregnant.

She went with me to the bathroom, but then again when do women not go with one another to the bathroom!!!???

I did what I had to do to obtain the results I was dreadfully waiting for…………..in that few minutes I think I smoked about 8 cigarettes. Then the “un”- deniable truth kicked me in my teeth, POSITIVE.

I smoked that entire packet of cigarettes in that bathroom. I was happy, but also worried about whether I was pregnant from my rapist or ???????

I became nauseas with anxiousness, as I kept that secret deep inside my heart. The second worry that ran through my mind was, “how do I tell my mother?”

I was 20 years old at the time.

I broke the news to Christo that night at my place in Parow, unexpectedly, he seemed happy about it. He kept on rubbing my tummy when he saw me, while he kept on singing “My Girl”.

Two weeks later, while enjoying a game of pool in our backyard, one of his friends came to me while I was sitting on one of the steps, Christo standing quite a distance from me, his friend asks me if I went to see a doctor. I said yes and continued by saying I am 3 months pregnant. He then asks me,  “don’t you think it’s best if you go for an abortion or is it too late?” Thinking to myself, “there is no way I am having an abortion.” So my automatic response was, “yes, it’s too late.”

After that weekend, I never saw them again. Months went by, no pop up visits, no interest, just nothing until I decided one morning before work to ask my mom to take me to Stellenbosch so that I can find out what is up with the sudden “un”- present excitement.

I walked through the door, went straight to the room where Christo was sleeping and asked him, “why have you been so distant?” His answer(drumroll please), “I’m in love with someone else.”

My heart broke, but not revealing it, I uttered the question “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

He failed to answer that question.

I got up from the bed, walked out of that door and never looked back.

 

Author: Love The "Un"- Present

I wish I could start this introduction of myself on a perky note, however I am a realist, my life was something meant for a horror movie......ok maybe I'm exaggerating, however no child should have to experience this. I can however tell you this, I am a God serving and God fearing woman and I stand to tell my story with rejoice in my heart because as God has lead Joseph to his victory, even though he lived some of his years in suffering. So did I live mine, but He is leading me to my victory, through all my trials and triumphs He has guided me from terrible to worse times and now He leads me from victory to victory. I live with no regrets as that was my path I had to take to get to know My Lord God, Saviour and Redeemer. Now brace yourselves for my truth.............

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