When my #Earth Shattered

My children are my life and I’m sure most mothers share the same sentiment, especially when it comes to “moving heaven and earth” and ensuring their well-being, safety and prosperity.

I experienced one of the most heart ripping events when my son, Tristan contracted viral meningitis 2 years ago, on the 3rd September 2015, his 5th birthday.

The night before Tristan was admitted to hospital, my “gut feeling” told me something is wrong with him. He was feverish, had no appetite and from time to time, looked at me as if he did not recognize me. I assumed it was just flu, as he was coughing continuously and had a sore throat.

Our nanny came in the following morning and I requested her to call me if he got any worse (what made me think that he was not at his worst already).

My mother-in-law decided to visit that same morning and she is always very concerned about the kids health and wellness, based on this, she decided to take him to the doctor.

I was busy with month end at work which is always chaotic and stressful. Arriving at my desk, after a meeting, I see the missed calls on my cellphone, from our family doctor and my mother-in-law. As I picked up my office telephone, the doctor calls again and I answer.

She then informs me that my mother-in-law and son, Tristan are there with her. She then goes on to utter those heart shattering words, “I’ve examined your son Tristan and based on your son’s condition and symptoms, I suspect that he has contracted meningitis. I suggest you take him to the hospital immediately.”

I immediately feel as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and stabbed uncountable times. I start shivering and felt lethargic, allowing me to not think straight. Everything I tried to grab, fell out of my hands, my entire body went numb.

Reality and guilt suddenly hits me right in the face, realising that I have failed my son as a parent, as I disregarded and shrugged off the ugly truth, my “motherly instinct” that was blatantly obvious and staring me right in the face. I became everything that I did not want to be and created the monster I have been trying so hard to avoid.

No mother should ever feel that their child should wait another day or that they will get better. I made my chaotic month end at work my priority and not my son. I made worrying about what people were going to say my priority and not my son. I made the fact that I have no family responsibility leave left and made money a priority and not my son.

I could have been in a position where I would have buried my son days later, but as God has protected me through my entire life and my faith In Him was so dominant that I believed He would save Tristan. No one knows this, when I slept at the hospital with my son, in the same bed, I would place my hand on the crown of his head and start praying, praying so hard that the words just flowed from my lips, sobbing uncontrollably. This was the first day, the days after that my prayer became my language of choice as I began speaking in Glossolalia(speaking in tongues).

God would answer me in random gestures, using the nurses and “me” answering myself in my head, which I know was the holy spirit responding.

Tristan went through a lumbar punch, 4 drip changes and 3 phlegm and mucus extractions via a mucus suction pump. This scarred him and I couldn’t help but know it was all my fault.

One morning I left the hospital to go home, sleep and shower, while my mother-in-law stayed with Tristan. My “gut feeling” again told me not to leave, I did. My mother-in-law called to say his fever is up again and he is not well. We returned to the hospital, and from that day I stayed and prayed everyday.

God and my son needed me there as my faith was strong enough for Him to pull Tristan through.

Tristan remained in hospital for 10 days. In that 10 days, I saw my son become more afraid, insecure and withdrawn, it broke my heart to think that 2 weeks ago, this boy was vivacious, running, playing outdoors becoming a weak and battered little boy.

After this heart wrenching event, Tristan changed, his personality and everything else along with it. The withdrawn, insecure Tristan remained, hence him repeating Gr R, amongst other negative impact.

Slowly, but surely I see the old Tristan coming back, the humorous, confident little boy he once was. He has taken up karate at school and this has assisted him in gaining the confidence in his abilities. I thank God everyday that He has given me another chance to be a better parent, assisting Tristan in every way possible to achieve the impossible that I so vividly see in those beautiful eyes.

He is my #Earth, the foundation under my feet to keep me grounded and focussed.

Author: Love The "Un"- Present

I wish I could start this introduction of myself on a perky note, however I am a realist, my life was something meant for a horror movie......ok maybe I'm exaggerating, however no child should have to experience this. I can however tell you this, I am a God serving and God fearing woman and I stand to tell my story with rejoice in my heart because as God has lead Joseph to his victory, even though he lived some of his years in suffering. So did I live mine, but He is leading me to my victory, through all my trials and triumphs He has guided me from terrible to worse times and now He leads me from victory to victory. I live with no regrets as that was my path I had to take to get to know My Lord God, Saviour and Redeemer. Now brace yourselves for my truth.............

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