Forever my Hero, Forever your Little Girl

High School starts and I am not nervous at all, excited yes, and one of the very few that was initiated. I get into a fight within the first 6 weeks of my high school career, because a girl who called a friend of mine a “slut.” I did not need any fuel to light that fire; I was a tomboy for as long as I can remember. No challenge fazed me when it came to fighting, body build, boy or girl, it really did not matter.

Not thinking further than the actual event, we get called to the principal’s office. I’m given an ultimatum, either my parents come to school or I get expelled.

Praying that they do not call my parents, they did exactly the opposite.

My dad lets me simmer in his obvious disappointment for 2 days, me thinking to myself, “oh God am I ever going back to school?”

Two days later, he goes to school, gets me out of trouble and decides to not speak to me for 6 months.

Have you ever given someone the silent treatment? It practically drives them insane, I was afraid, that me disappointing him again was digging a deeper hole of regret for him.

Eight months later, my grandfather and his wife invite my brothers and me to join them for a trip to Robertson. Excited I pack my bags the night before and the morning of our departure my dad says to me, “and no short skirts”……I think to myself “really? I’m fourteen”, but I just giggle his comment off.

He comes to before he leaves for work and he says to me,

“I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE GRAINS OF SAND IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU MORE THAN ALL THE STARS IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY”.

Shocked I look at him and immediately gave him a hug. He never said goodbye, but I almost felt as if that was his goodbye.

Eventually we get to Robertson. That Saturday morning, 13th September 1997, we woke up early, walked to the shop with my cousins and experienced the most disgusting thing, a whole lot of frogs jumping around in the road. It was as if God sent a plague of frogs my way, a sign of terror. I am afraid of a moth; could you even imagine how terrified I was of the frogs?

And then that moment hit me. I go into complete mannequin mode, I stand in the middle of the road in complete silence for about 3 – 5 minutes, I snap out of it and I start sobbing like a baby. It felt as if I left earth for that time and came back. And no, I was not abducted by aliens.

My cousins and brothers console me; we try and walk at fast as we can to get home. By that time, so much time passed and it was already around 6pm or just after in the evening.

We get to my grandfather, he is on the phone, he sees my face and his facial expression was worrying, but I did not ask anything. He puts down the phone, says we need to leave immediately and I am afraid to ask why, not because I thought he might reprimand me but because I was afraid of the response I might get, as if I knew it was not good news.

We leave Robertson, arrive in Highbury, 5 Select Crescent, our family home, and I see all the cars on our lawn and I burst into tears not being able to utter a word.

We get to the door, I enter, I see the look of sorrow on everyone’s faces and I burst into tears once more.

My aunts take me to my parent’s room, where my mom sits sobbing like a baby. Just as I position myself to sit down, my mom’s eldest sisters words hit like a locked-jaw dog ripping my heart apart, “Your dad died”. Those cold, uncompassionate words struck like my dad’s silent treatment.

I thought to myself, “I knew it, he left me; that was his goodbye, he left me” and I could not control my hurt anymore.

My dad passed away when I was 14. I was the eldest so I always felt that I cannot fail him and tried to keep my family afloat by taking care of my brothers. I felt like it was my responsibility now because he was no longer there.

Author: Love The "Un"- Present

I wish I could start this introduction of myself on a perky note, however I am a realist, my life was something meant for a horror movie......ok maybe I'm exaggerating, however no child should have to experience this. I can however tell you this, I am a God serving and God fearing woman and I stand to tell my story with rejoice in my heart because as God has lead Joseph to his victory, even though he lived some of his years in suffering. So did I live mine, but He is leading me to my victory, through all my trials and triumphs He has guided me from terrible to worse times and now He leads me from victory to victory. I live with no regrets as that was my path I had to take to get to know My Lord God, Saviour and Redeemer. Now brace yourselves for my truth.............

2 thoughts on “Forever my Hero, Forever your Little Girl”

  1. The one thing about that Friday night which is engraved in my mind are his words to me when he came to greet you guys “Des I promise you if anything happens to my kids I will kill you with my bare hands.”Little did we know it was the last time that we’ve had a conversation.Sad,indeed very sad.Silent trip from Robertson to Kuils River.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As much as this moved me to tears, I must say that I am very proud of you, Nikki. Yes you have gone through so much, but if not for that yiu could not possibly be as strong as you are today. God was by your side through the tough, good, bad and He is still there. The promise daddy God has made to us He’s children… He will never leave nor forsake us and you can rest assured in knowing that He goes before you on your daily escapades of life. He carried you through that tough time as a child and He will carry/ walk with you through life.
    Again touching read hun. I can’t wait to see what comes next. I’m excited for you. You have my full support. Peace & love, Livy. 💖👌😃👏

    Liked by 1 person

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